Leaning on and with Each Other
Lessons from Our Toxic Waste & Overload Calls
Over the last year, I’ve witnessed (and experienced) more professional, personal, and everything else, turbulence than I thought possible. Modus members have been brave, but they’ve dealt with a lot. A bit of shelter in this storm has been our monthly Cleaning Toxic Waste calls at Modus.
Every month, people in the Cleaning Toxic Waste and WIP Whisperer classes gather in a safe, off-the-record space to offload or at least share what’s weighing on them. There’s no recording. No judgment. Just people sharing their reality including the good, the hard, and the healing. One of the participants said, “I am here every time, this is my lifeline.” Then went on to talk about they’d diffused a long standing and escalating problem with the solutions we discussed the previous month.
I wish I could share the videos, but there aren’t any. I do want to talk about them though.
The Rising Tide of Toxicity (seeks to sink all boats?)
I hate that this is true, but several themes keep emerging from these calls, and they mirror what the world seems to be feeling. Workplace toxicity isn’t abstract anymore; it’s personal and pervasive. It isn’t one jerk who is making life difficult, it’s bad process, poor communication: it is the system (and the one jerk).
This increase in toxicity comes at a real cost:
Productivity dips as people spend energy navigating politics, not on meaningful work.
Innovation stalls as the risk of speaking up outweighs the potential rewards.
Project completion slows as emotional labor (worry, fear, etc) replaces creative momentum.
Job satisfaction plummets when feedback is dismissed and leadership dictates direction.
What We’re Talking About (Without Names)
Without breaking confidence, here are a few key concepts and conversations that have resonated deeply in recent calls:
Passive-Aggressive Leadership: “Midwest nice” or other false packages of politeness hiding deep, institutionalized abuses. Resulting in unproductive confusion, self-doubt, and frustration in professionals.
Toxic Announcements & Inflexible Policies: People are subject to surprise policies put in place without collaboration or discussion. This leaves them feeling (being) targeted and trapped. The delivery of the new changes come with a strong message not to question or adapt them.
Gaslighting: When the people on call have tried to suggest better courses of action, they are met but with accusations of being “too negative.” This quickly shuts them down, leaving no choice but to withdraw and become disengaged. This is a full system that produces organizational stagnation and distrust.
Intent & Impact: One “fun” conversation has been figuring out whether toxic behavior must be intentional to be damaging. We’ve agreed that even unintentional toxicity is, well, toxic, but it’s often more addressable if brought into the open. (Lots of strategies to do this in a helpful way).
Vulnerability is a Double-Edged Sword: Opening up can lead to progress and repair but also can increase personal risk. (e.g. I bring up a need that my team has, we solve it, everything seems fine, and later I’m singled out for being difficult). We have talked about how to balance “being real” with self-preservation, and how to find allies who can check in on you as you heal. A big problem here is that the initial conversation seems very productive and one is later blindsided by that helpful conversation being weaponized.
Strategies for Survival and Recovery: Reframing triggers, compassionate detachment, and deliberate recovery routines show up are common survival strategies people lean on in difficult environments. The calls themselves, though, are often specifically discussed as survival strategies for people in the team.
No, It’s Not Just a Complaint Club
When I read over this, it looks like people are complaining, but we are all, to a person, very interested in creating working cultures that are humane, focused on quality, and professional. Some of the issues we discuss are first-hand, others are observed. The goal of the group is to find solutions that make things better for everyone involved so people can stop the drama and get back to work.
Sometimes those solutions are easier than others.
Why These Calls Matter
These calls have been super rewarding for me. Every session has this rare community that truly listens to each other. The honesty and acceptance have helped them (and me) through a bumpy year. Whether wrestling with professional changes or personal curveballs, I’ve found invaluable support and wisdom in these calls. Some people come, say little, listen, leave, and come back … maybe for three or four calls … then they will say something crazy profound and helpful.
Safe Spaces Matter
Toxicity is toxic and it loves to keep us isolated. This is where we all go to end the isolation and find strategies to make work safer. We’re clear that what’s shared in these calls, stays in these calls. They aren’t recorded. They’re not fodder for corporate case studies or marketing spin. They’re for us to build sanity, compassion, and a path out of toxicity.
The Invitation: Healing and Handling Work-in-Progress
If the last year has left you wrung-out, doubting yourself, or unsure how to reclaim joy and effectiveness in your work, I want to invite you to join these courses.
Cleaning Toxic Waste Is a toolkit and a community for restoring health at work.
WIP Whisperer helps you visualize your overload, manage it more humanely, and rediscover pride in what you do.
Both are designed to give you language, frameworks, and support to weather these drama storms. Because the storms are real and you don’t need to face them alone.